Nov
24
Posted by Admin
Choosing "No"
The decision of whether or not to have sex is up to you.
Why Don't Teens Protect Themselves if They Are Having Sex?
- They are embarrassed about buying or getting condoms;
- feel peer/date pressure;
- use alcohol and drugs;
- have a lack of knowledge;
- believe using birth control pills is enough protection;
- are embarrassed about asking questions; and,
- don't think ahead of time.
Sex For the First Time
Just having sex for the first time can be a huge emotional event. There many questions and feelings that you may want to sort out before you actually get "in the heat of the moment."
Questions about yourself:
- Am I really ready to have sex?
- How am I going to feel about myself after I have sex?
- How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?
- Am I doing this for the right reasons?
Questions about your upbringing:
- How do your parents feel about you having sex?
- What is the position of your church, synagogue or temple on the subject?
- Will you have to lie about having sex later?
- Will you feel guilty?
Questions about your health:
- How do you plan to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy?
- Will your decisions affect your mental or social health?
- Are you well informed on the possible consequences of a pregnancy or an STD?
Good things to remember
- You are never truly alone. There is always some help somewhere for you. Find a friend you trust, your school nurse or counselor, or maybe even your mom or dad. Talk with them.
- A local STD clinic will help you know what you can be tested for and when testing will be accurate. Remember, if you decide to have sex, you can decide not to have sex any more until you're ready.
Something to Think About
Deciding to have sex or not is probably one of the biggest decisions you will have to make. You do not have to have sex before you are ready. It's OK to decide to wait to have sex if that is what you wish. Sex can be fun, but "fun" only lasts for a moment. Other possible consequences of sex, such as an STD or an unplanned pregnancy, can last for a lifetime. Whatever your decision is, be prepared to look at yourself in the morning.
What if Sex Was Forced?
If you live in an abusive household or if you are a survivor of rape or date rape, find help soon so that you can feel safe and start to heal. This is a scary experience and can make you feel guilty, angry, dirty and responsible. Always remember that it was not your fault and look for help. School counselors or local rape crisis centers can be helpful.
Some girls think it's cool to date older guys. Just remember that older guys may be ready for sex when you're not. If you have an older boyfriend who wants to have sex, remember it's your choice, you decide.
Choosing "Yes"
Deciding to have sexual intercourse with another person is a very personal and private matter. You, and no one else, can make that decision. However, in this Web site, we help get you thinking about your body, emotions, personal values and life goals so that you can make a wise choice if, when and how you choose to have sex.
Why Do Some Teens Have Sex?
Here are a few of the reasons that some teenagers decide to have sex. As you read this list, try to think of which of these reasons would affect you the most. Do you think these answers are good reasons or bad reasons?
Some Teenagers Have Sex Because:
- They want to feel accepted.
- It feels good.
- It's "cool" to have sex.
- It's easier to have sex than to talk about it or say no.
- They want feel close to someone.
- They feel peer pressure.
- They're in love.
- They want to experiment.
- They have raging hormones.
Some Things to Think About Before You Have Sex:
- Is this something I really want to do at this point in my life?
- Am I emotionally ready for all the feelings a sexual relationship brings up?
- Am I ready to make some life-changing decisions if this results in a pregnancy?
- Am I taking precautions to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or pregnancy?
- Am I being pressured into having sex even though it's not what I want to do?
- Am I going to feel bad afterwards if this goes against my personal values or I wasn't really ready?
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Nov
24
Posted by Admin
Sex vs. Love
Love and sex are NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling. There is no one definition of love because the word "love" can mean many different things to many different people. Sex, on the other hand, is a biological event. Even though there are different kinds of sex, most sexual acts have certain things in common. Sex may or may not include penetration.
Differences Between Love and Sex
Love
- Love is a feeling (emotional).
- There is no exact "right" definition of love for everybody.
- Love involves feelings of romance and/or attraction.
Sex:
- Sex is an event or act (physical).
- There are different kinds of sex but all kinds of sex have some things in common.
- Can happen between a male and a female, between two females, between two males, or by one's self (masturbation)
Abstinence
The word for not having sex is called abstinence. Some people, especially people who think it's not cool to wait to have sex, think that abstinence is a completely bad thing. Actually, there are some really good things about abstinence and some of them might apply to you.
- Abstinence, or not having oral, vaginal or anal sex, is the best way to protect yourself. It is possible to get an STD even without having intercourse (penetrative sex) through skin-to-skin contact (herpes and genital warts can be passed this way).
- You also have to think about your own personal values and feelings. Your teenage years bring a lot of changes in how you feel about yourself, family, friends and potential love interests–even if you don't think about sex. No matter what your feelings on sex are, it may be smart to wait until something "feels right."
Ways to Express Love Without Sex
There are millions of nonsexual ways to show someone you like them. You can show a person you care for them by spending time with them. Go to the movies. Or just hang out and talk. If you are with someone you really like, then anything can be fun. There are other ways to feel physically close without having sex. These ways include everything from kissing and hugging to touching and petting each other. Just remember that if you're not careful these activities can lead to sex. Plan beforehand just how far you want to go, and stick to your limits. It can be difficult to say NO and mean it when things get hot and heavy.
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Nov
24
Posted by Admin
No teenage girl wants to have to tell her parents that she is pregnant and no parent of a teenage girl wants to hear that news. Still, if you are a pregnant teenager, it is important to tell your parents and allow them to help you through the experience. This article offers some ideas about how to tell your parents that you are pregnant.
Why Tell?
If you are pregnant, you have three basic choices. You can give birth to the baby and keep it. You can give birth to the baby and give it up for adoption. Or you can have an abortion. If you’ve chosen one of the first two options, your parents definitely need to know—your changing body will make it easy for them to guess anyway. If you tell them yourself, rather than waiting for them to notice it, you will have much more control over where the conversation takes place and how it goes.
If you choose the third option, abortion, you may be able to keep your parents in the dark. However, some states have parental notification or consent laws. Even if your state doesn’t, you should tell your parents that you have been through something so important and potentially life-altering.
The only reason not to tell your parents is if they have a history of abuse and you fear for your safety. If this is the case, contact a women’s clinic or hospital and make an appointment to see their social worker.
Preparation
Before you talk to your parents, double check the results of the pregnancy test. Some of the early-detection tests are not very accurate and may give false positive readings.
If you are sure you are pregnant, take a day or two to think through your options.
Plan what you are going to say to your parents. Do you want to talk to them together or would you rather tell one of them before the other?
Find a time to speak to your parent or parents in private, when they have some time to talk and are not rushing off to work or another commitment. If it is hard to catch them in a free moment, ask them to schedule some time to talk to you about something serious.
Tempting as it may be to tell your parents in a public place, like a restaurant, avoid this impulse. Tempers run high at such a moment, voices may get raised, and you don’t want a bunch of strangers witnessing a big fight between you and your parents.
Most parents of pregnant teens try to be supportive, but just in case the talk goes badly and they throw you out of the house, or you feel unsafe and want to leave, it’s a good idea to have a Plan B. Could you stay with your baby’s father or with one of your girlfriends for a couple of days? Is there another relative who might take you in?
The Talk
There is no way you can cushion your parents from the natural shock and grief they will feel when you tell them you’re pregnant. There’s no gentle lead in, no way to make a joke of it, and it’s cruel to make them guess. The mature thing to do, once you have your parents alone in a private place is to simply say, “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant.”
Be prepared for an intense emotional reaction, such as crying or yelling. Be prepared, too, to answer questions about who the father is, how the pregnancy happened (for instance, were you not using birth control or did your birth control fail), and what you plan to do now.
Some parents may take over and start making plans for you. Although this may feel very comforting at the time, make sure your voice is also heard, especially if you and your parents have different ideas about how the pregnancy should be handled.
There is no “typical” reaction to hearing the news that one’s daughter is pregnant. Some parents are immediately reassuring, others may be angry, still others will try to ignore (deny) the news.
If your parents have an extreme reaction, give them a few days to pull it together. Then approach them again. Hopefully they will be calmer and more able to give you the support you need once the idea has sunk in.
Having to tell your parents that you are pregnant is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. But if you can be direct and honest with them, they may turn into a valuable source of support and comfort.
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